For goodness’ sake, I just got through mediating between the lawyers again. What a waste of my time and energy, and the parties’ money!
You parties going through a divorce or breakup, do you get that when you hire lawyers to “fight your battles” for you, that is exactly what they are going to do? They want to win! On every issue! That’s what you hired them for! And, when your lawyer is present at your divorce mediation, that mindset can add another layer of complexity and complication to an already out-of-control situation.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate what I am talking about:
I am mediating a case where the lawyers don’t get along, who were hired by parties who really don’t get along. In the mediation, I was trying to focus on improving the communication between this divorcing couple, who have children together. They are going to have to deal with each other in the future!
But the divorce lawyers were each focused on whatever crappy maneuver the other lawyer had pulled, so we spent a whole lot of time and energy on who said what, what papers were filed, who didn’t answer who’s calls. And on and on. At a rate of several hundreds of dollars per hour!
The lawyers clearly couldn’t stand each other, and each felt victimized by the other. What do you think that adds to the equation of two parties who can’t stand each other and feel victimized by the other? This battling between the lawyers took the focus off of finding solutions for this family!
Listen, folks, it’s up to YOU to control your lawyers. I’m not saying that all of them will get out of control over every tiny little issue, as a matter of fact, some lawyers are an asset to the mediation process. But the best of them can get swept up in the fight of your divorce at one time or another.
Trial lawyers accustomed to being in divorce court are used to running the show. It comes naturally to them. But when they try to do that in your mediation, they are an obstacle to the mediation process, and that means more of your time, money and energy are going to be wasted.
If you choose to have your lawyers in your mediation, be smart enough to listen to the Mediator, who is supposed to be in control of the mediation, and directing how it goes. That’s what you are hiring your expert Mediator for!
TAKE CONTROL of your divorce mediation. Stop delegating the responsibility for your life and choices to others. Hiding behind your divorce lawyer’s skirts is not worth the price you are ultimately going to pay, believe me.
You can do it. Even if you are scared or overwhelmed, trust your instincts, and trust your Divorce Mediator. (If you don’t, find a new one!) Use your lawyers’ expertise efficiently – to advise you on the law and to help you make the ultimate decisions.
This is about your life. Yours and your ex’s, and your kids, if you have them. Take advantage of the opportunity divorce mediation provides for you to make the important decisions. Participate fully, and give it the best shot you can. It is your best chance to create a peaceful divorce.
