As I gain in years, I have gotten into the habit of counting my blessings when I first get up, to set the tone for the day, and, basically, because it makes me feel good. One blessing that I always add is the blessing of Divorce Mediation. Not just because it’s how I make my living, but because I have seen firsthand how it can turn people’s lives from chaos and misery, to hope and empowerment.

Let me give you some specific, concrete examples of how Divorce Mediation can be of tremendous benefit to you. The best way I know how to show you just what can really be in it for you, is to share
with you some of my experiences in my over 25 years as a Divorce lawyer, and in the over 1000 divorce mediations I have done.

My perspective is one of a divorce attorney who was once deep in the trenches, doing battle in Divorce Court for the first fifteen years of my practice. I can’t count the number of husbands and wives, and, inadvertently sometimes, their children, to whom I laid waste in the many contested divorces, and divorce child custody cases I tried in Divorce Court. It’s not a fact I’m proud of, I just didn’t get it.

I don’t really know how many millions of dollars I collected in legal fees fighting for my clients, money that certainly could have been used by them to fund their children’s educations, their own retirements, and, generally, improve the quality of their lives.

That’s what the adversarial system, Divorce Court, dictates. That is simply the way it is. But to blame the system, or the divorce lawyers, doesn’t really do you any good, does it? Now, you too will know - there is a better way. That way is Divorce Mediation.

It has been my experience that when people are going through a divorce, their primary feeling is one of being a victim - of the system, of their spouse, of the divorce attorneys, of life in general. That mindset always leads to anger, despair, misery, and hopelessness.
These negative feelings trickle down (sometimes they pour down), to their children, who are already having a hard enough time with their parents’ breakup. Or, if there are no children, to the parties’ friends and families. It can seem inescapable.

Divorce Mediation is an amazing, empowering alternative to the losing battle you will fight if you go to Divorce Court. I have seen people full of fear and anger transform before my very eyes into compassionate, hopeful, powerful, mature individuals through the Divorce Mediation process. Each time I see the light go on, when one or both of the divorcing parties gets it, I count the blessing of Divorce Mediation.

I don’t know if you ascribe to a higher purpose, but if you do, know that by participating in Divorce Mediation, you are helping to create a more peaceful world. Who will ever know just how much of a positive difference has been made when someone going through the divorce process comes home full of hope for the future, instead of coming home and kicking the dog, or worse yet, their kid?

If that’s just too airy-fairy a concept for you, let’s get right down to it. Here’s what’s in it for you: If you choose Divorce Mediation over fighting it out in Divorce Court, you will save yourself thousands of dollars and the psychological and medical damage that the stress of an out-of-control divorce will most certainly do to you.

So, are you ready to add Divorce Mediation to the list when you count your blessings? If so, you will be joining the ever-increasing ranks of those folks who are thinking about getting a divorce, planning for a divorce, in the divorce process or already divorced but still fighting, who have decided to take control of their lives and their divorces, and use the blessing of Divorce Mediation.

Here’s to YOU making the best of YOUR divorce!

Cynthia Tiano, Esq.
“The Mediator”