What would you like your relationship with your ex-partner to look like? Have you ever thought about it?

How can you get what you want, if you don’t know what you want?

Most people spend their time thinking about what they don’t want, rather than what they do want. You know that what you focus on expands.

How about sitting down and figuring out what your perfect relationship with your ex-partner would look like? If what you are thinking is, “Nothing! I don’t want a thing to do with them, ever again!”, think again. How likely is that to happen, when you have kids? And you won’t be able to move forward, until you have forgiven - them and yourself.

So think about that perfect relationship with your soon-to-be-ex, or ex. Think about it every day. Feel how great it would feel, for yourselves, your families and mutual friends, as if it had already happened. Share these inspired ideas with your ex.

Watch in amazement how quickly things change for the better as you see yourselves working together as a team, to create your perfect co-parenting relationship.

It’s simple. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.

Tags: child custody,

For goodness’ sake, I just got through mediating between the lawyers again. What a waste of my time and energy, and the parties’ money!

You parties going through a divorce or breakup, do you get that when you hire lawyers to “fight your battles” for you, that is exactly what they are going to do? They want to win! On every issue! That’s what you hired them for! And, when your lawyer is present at your divorce mediation, that mindset can add another layer of complexity and complication to an already out-of-control situation.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate what I am talking about:

I am mediating a case where the lawyers don’t get along, who were hired by parties who really don’t get along. In the mediation, I was trying to focus on improving the communication between this divorcing couple, who have children together. They are going to have to deal with each other in the future!

But the divorce lawyers were each focused on whatever crappy maneuver the other lawyer had pulled, so we spent a whole lot of time and energy on who said what, what papers were filed, who didn’t answer who’s calls. And on and on. At a rate of several hundreds of dollars per hour!

The lawyers clearly couldn’t stand each other, and each felt victimized by the other. What do you think that adds to the equation of two parties who can’t stand each other and feel victimized by the other? This battling between the lawyers took the focus off of finding solutions for this family!

Listen, folks, it’s up to YOU to control your lawyers. I’m not saying that all of them will get out of control over every tiny little issue, as a matter of fact, some lawyers are an asset to the mediation process. But the best of them can get swept up in the fight of your divorce at one time or another.

Trial lawyers accustomed to being in divorce court are used to running the show. It comes naturally to them. But when they try to do that in your mediation, they are an obstacle to the mediation process, and that means more of your time, money and energy are going to be wasted.

If you choose to have your lawyers in your mediation, be smart enough to listen to the Mediator, who is supposed to be in control of the mediation, and directing how it goes. That’s what you are hiring your expert Mediator for!

TAKE CONTROL of your divorce mediation. Stop delegating the responsibility for your life and choices to others. Hiding behind your divorce lawyer’s skirts is not worth the price you are ultimately going to pay, believe me.

You can do it. Even if you are scared or overwhelmed, trust your instincts, and trust your Divorce Mediator. (If you don’t, find a new one!) Use your lawyers’ expertise efficiently – to advise you on the law and to help you make the ultimate decisions.

This is about your life. Yours and your ex’s, and your kids, if you have them. Take advantage of the opportunity divorce mediation provides for you to make the important decisions. Participate fully, and give it the best shot you can. It is your best chance to create a peaceful divorce.

If you are considering a divorce and possibly trying to save money while going through the process, there are options out there. There are many do it yourself divorce procedures, as well as online divorce centers.

A great place to begin the process is to find free divorce forms online. More traditional divorces, where divorce lawyers are used, can become extremely expensive. Many couples are seeking do-it-yourself divorces. Divorces can be very stressful, even without adding lawyers who can potentially add even more stress.

When doing your search for do-it-yourself divorce, you are likely to find information that will assist you in comprehending the requirements and the overall divorce process. This allows you to become familiar with entire divorce process.

Mediation can help couples who are seeking a do-it-yourself divorce. An unbiased third party mediator can help willing couples come to a mutual agreement on such things as child custody and child support as well as maintenance payments. A mediator can also help the couple split marital assets such as the family home, car and pets. Other important issues the Mediator can help with are, who will carry medical insurance, visitations for extended family members, vacations and so forth. Again, all of this can be done through mediation.

In order for a do-it-yourself divorce to work, it is important that neither party become bitter. The overall process can become very frustrating. But keep in mind that if you are unable to come up with a divorce plan, the courts may need to become involved, and that will increase the costs, both emotionally and financially.

Nobody wants to think about getting a divorce. But in today’s society, divorce is very much a reality. With the help of a mediator and some online divorce services, couples can now have a do-it-yourself divorce. Online divorces and do-it-yourself divorces are a great alternative to the more traditional, and more expensive, type of divorce.

The cause of divorce varies greatly from couple to couple. What may be perceived as the main problem in one marriage may be very different in another. In a troubled marriage, there generally is not one particular reason a marriage fails, but rather a compilation of reasons. Nonetheless, there are some reasons that seem to be more common than others.

One of the most common reasons listed for divorce is irreconcilable differences or, rather, incompatibility. In many states, these reasons for divorce are considered to be “no-fault”.

Among the most common causes for divorce, is poor communication. Often, couples find themselves in a relationship without the skills to properly communicate with each other. Instead of talking about their troubles, they bottle things up inside until it’s just too late.

Another very common cause of divorce is financial problems. When there are financial struggles, unless there is a strong relationship to fall back on, financial troubles can quickly lead an othewise blissful couple straight to divorce court.

Infidelity is another common reason for divorce. Couples often find it hard to reconcile after there has been infidelity in their marriage. Counseling will very often be needed to get the marriage back on track.

At times, there can be a dramatic change in the couple’s priorites. Especially, if the couple married when they were younger, they may find what was important in their early 20’s, now is far less important in their 30’s and 40’s. This can lead to the couple growing apart, rather than together.

Other reasons for divorce can include, substance abuse and addictions, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, lack of conflict resolution skills and unmet needs or failed expectations.

In today’s society, there are many causes of divorce. And although there are some fairly common reasons why couples turn to divorce, no one reason proves to be true for every couple. Nor, is there generally just one cause of divorce. More often than not, many factors come into play in a couple turning to divorce.

Divorce mediation, also known as family mediation, is a relatively new phenomenon. It is an alternative to litigation that should be considered even before a divorce case is filed. Family mediation is a process in which divorcing spouses negotiate an acceptable divorce agreement with the help of a neutral third party — the Mediator. Mediation can help define the terms of the separation and is instrumental in developing interim agreements about finances, children, and living space.

People who are not familiar with the process, often have erroneous notions about what the process of divorce mediation is all about. Divorce mediation is alternative dispute resolution, not to be confused with marriage counseling; it is an alternative to fighting in court with your spouse through attorneys. Divorce mediation is probably the largest area of mediation practice at this time.

Child Visitation Issues

Frequently at stake are matters involving children, property, and finances, among other things. One issue often dealt with during mediation is child visitation. Child visitation laws are an integral part of the divorce process.

Child visitation is viewed as shared parenting time and is designed to optimize both parents’ time with the child. There are many ways to arrange a child visitation schedule. It is of paramount importance to consider how the child visitation will affect parties other than the parents, such as, grandparents, stepparents, and caretakers.

Divorce and Finances

Another important issue that is discussed in mediation is the issue of divorce finances. Finances are one of the leading points of contention in many marriages. This can often happen in families where one spouse controls the finances and gives the other spouse an “allowance”. The weaker party must have the willingness and ability to learn about finances. During the mediation, you will develop options for dividing assets and organizing finances.

Mediation is an affordable alternative to litigation that allows you to take control of your legal dispute without losing control of your finances.

Family mediation is less costly in time, money and emotional stress than litigation through the Courts. Unlike divorce litigation, divorce mediation is non-adversarial, designed to eliminate the win/lose atmosphere. It is a kinder and fairer way to divorce, helping parties obtain a divorce while maintaining their dignity and respect for each other. Divorce mediation is a way, perhaps the best way, to minimize both the emotional and financial impact of divorce.

Modern couples are using divorce mediation in increasing numbers, as they recognize that it is important to minimize the trauma of divorce for their own, and their children’s, well-being. Divorce mediation can result in winners all around, while divorce litigation usually results in everybody losing, one way or the other.