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Category Archives: Divorce Costs
Do you have any idea what a celebrity divorce costs? I’m talking about those divorces where the celebrity couple decided to battle it out instead of getting a peaceful divorce!
Check out these numbers - in the McCartney divorce it was reported that Heather Mills ended up over $3million in debt for her legal bills in her divorce battle with Paul McCartney and had to sell her home to pay off her lawyers! David Hasselhoff’s legal fees in his divorce were reputed to be over $1million! Hulk Hogan’s divorce has really gotten ugly, and goodness knows how much the nasty Christy Brinkley divorce will end up costing!
But why should you care what the celebs are paying for their divorces? Because this epidemic of battling with your spouse in divorce court isn’t just reserved for the celebrities…it’s going on every day with every day people!
In the county where I have practiced divorce law for over 25 years, the cost of the average divorce is $60,000 per side! We’re not talking about what the rich people pay, we’re talking about the average couple. Has the world gone mad? What’s going on here?
A big part of the problem here is that people usually hire their divorce lawyer when their emotions are running hot. Their divorce attorney, who is a trained fighter, takes up the cause (and gets paid hundreds of dollars per hour in the process!) and it’s off to court you go! In other words, the divorcing couple is acting out their last fight, (or what they think is their last fight) in the public arena called divorce court.
It’s important to recognize that the divorce itself is rarely the last fight. When there are children or support involved, the battle can go on and on, long after the divorce itself is over!
Think for a moment about the emotional cost of divorce and combine it with the financial cost. Slow down, stop reacting… take a moment and think about this.
How much is it worth to you that you would be able to joyfully celebrate your child’s wedding together without feelings of animosity? How much is it worth to them? Can you put a financial cost on that?
How much is it worth to you to have your children emotionally healthy and not scarred from the anger and bitterness in your divorce? How much money is that worth to you?
What is it worth to you to know your child will not be sentenced to the responsibility of taking care of you emotionally, and that they can be allowed to be children during and after your divorce?
What’s it worth to give your child a positive view of adulthood? What is it worth for your child to know that they are free to love both of their parents?
What would you pay to feel very very good about your co-parenting relationship with your ex and to know you are on the same page about your children?
Literally… wouldn’t that be worth a lot of money to you to have all those things?
Unfortunately, if you go through standard litigation, you’ll be paying a lot of money to make sure those things turn out very badly. For you and your spouse. For you and your friends and family. For you and your children. Listen… you will pay out a lot of money to have everyone suffer and be in far more pain. Why would you do that?
Let’s think carefully about how to be happily divorced… it saves money, time, energy, love and even saves lives! You can do it! You can create a peaceful divorce, and be happily divorced. Do it for yourself. Do it for your kids.
Tags: co parenting, divorce court
I recently had a divorce mediation where, as often is the case, I was working with two divorce lawyers and two co-parents who couldn’t stand each other. It literally took me hours to get them into the same room together and, although these parties had many written divorce settlement agreements between them, years later we were still there, fighting over interpretation and compliance.
In speaking with them alone (I sent the lawyers out of the room to do child support and other financial calculations) about their practically non-existant communication in the years since the divorce had become final, I targeted my focus on an area that I had been doing unconsciously for many years. It hit me like a hammer on the head. Of course, it was so simple!
It doesn’t matter how many agreements that parties make with each other, the only way they are going to live up to them is if they want to! Therefore, it is my job to inspire a desire in them to begin to agree with each other, and to work together as a team to raise their kids.
It is my belief that this is one of the primary roles of the mediator. To inspire the desire.
Once that is done, we can roll up our sleeves and help them start to dig through that pile of resentment that is keeping the them from behaving in a way that is best for their children, and also give them a new set of tools to enable them to work together as a team.
Add, as a further incentive, if the divorce mediator needs it, the co-parents can be reminded that it will also vastly improve the quality of their own lives and future relationships, minimize the effects of divorce on children, and their friends and families probably wouldn’t mind it one bit either!
Tags: divorce settlement, divorce court
When you decide to start looking for a divorce attorney, do you think about going to a divorce lawyer who is “Board Certified”? One who has been “certified” by his/her peers as an “expert” who “specializes” in matrimonial law? Well, you may want to re-think that idea if you want a peaceful divorce.
Although it varies from state to state, the general requirements for a divorce lawyer to become a board certified divorce attorney may very well be based upon how much time that lawyer spends in trial. Think about that. Any divorce case that goes to trial means, most likely, that it is not a peaceful divorce. It means that the divorcing couple has spent tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and close to a year of stress-filled, adversarial interaction with each other. Does that sound like a “peaceful divorce” to you?
So be very careful in selecting your lawyer when considering getting a divorce and make sure that the attorneys you are interviewing are committed to peaceful divorce. That means that they will use every avenue available, including divorce mediation, to get you and your family through this difficult time in as sane and respectful a fashion as possible. It means that they are committed to making sure that the effects of divorce on children are minimized as much as possible.
Now I’m not saying that all board certified divorce attorneys are not on board with peaceful divorce. In fact, I know some who are. Just be mindful of how they get their certification and if you aren’t sure, ask them. Are they on board with a peaceful divorce for you and your family? Can they be committed to a peaceful settlement? See what divorce advice they give you in response to these questions. Then you will have your answer as to whether or not to hire a board certified divorce attorney.
Tags: divorce mediation, divorce
Now this is an interesting question, don’t you think? It really hits the nail on the head. Since the divorce attorneys have a huge piece of the puzzle when it comes to Peaceful Divorce, or not, it behooves all of us to figure out what it will take to get them on board with this concept.
1. MONEY. In our county (Palm Beach), 65% of all divorce cases filed last year were “pro se” - without lawyers. Our contacts at the courthouse tell us that this is not because they can’t afford it, but because divorcing couples are afraid to hire lawyers as they feel they will make a war out of it. This is a valid fear as divorce lawyers are paid by the hour - do the math!
This is a lot of money that the divorce attorneys are leaving on the table because of their negative reputation. They are only getting 35% of the divorce cases being filed! Getting the word out that they are on board with a peaceful divorce can help them to capture this growing share of the market that is choosing to have no lawyers (often times when they would benefit from legal advice.)
2. THEIR SANITY. Almost every divorce lawyer I know hates what they are doing, to some degree. The constant fighting eats away at them until they either numb out or make themselves sick from getting up and doing a job they can’t stand every day.
3. GETTING PAID. Every divorce lawyer knows that the longer the case goes on, the greater risk they run of getting completely paid - especially those last bills. Then they become the enemy of their clients instead of their client’s spouses.
4. KARMA. Okay, maybe I’ve got a case of wishful thinking here, but I believe that at some level divorce lawyers want to do the right thing, and they know that the right thing is not waging a battle in a family and then leaving them to pick up the pieces, if they can. They know the irreversible damage it does, especially to the children.
So maybe it’s time for the good “divorce advice” to go to the divorce lawyers - get on board with peaceful divorce because the divorcing public is demanding it! Time to get on board before you really miss the boat!
Tags: co parenting,
Come on, people! You have got to be kidding!
I just read an article about celebrity Ann Heche’s bitter divorce from her husband, Coley Laffoon. They are using up taxpayer’s dollars fighting over furniture.
In a tense, dramatic decision, Ann Heche was allowed to keep her footstool that she had prior to the marriage.
No matter how ridiculous you may think that seems, you can bet your boots that divorce lawyers all over the country, and probably all over the world, are fighting for their clients over things just like that. Issues that insignificant are continually being litigated in divorce court. Worse yet, child custody divorce cases often have battles over items just as trivial!
Okay, everybody, let’s be fair and play nice. And if you can’t be nice (yet) to your ex, at least give us all out here a break, and use divorce mediation if you can’t find a way to share the plates and forks.
We’d all appreciate it - your friends, family, and, if you have them, - especially your kids!
Tags: divorce, visitation
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would litigate their divorce, when they have the option to mediate. Is it even possible in this day and age, that anyone considering getting a divorce, in the middle of a divorce, or already divorced and still fighting with their ex, hasn’t heard about divorce mediation?
Ask anyone who has been to divorce court how they liked that experience. We know who the only winners are there – the divorce lawyers! But don’t blame them, if you hire them, you know what you are getting. After all, they are trained to fight over things like divorce child custody, alimony and the like!
Do you know that your chances of having a divorce agreement, and an uncontested divorce increase dramatically if you go to divorce mediation instead of divorce court? Why in the world would you roll the dice on a judge’s decision, when you can make the decisions yourselves?
What are you waiting for? Go ahead, try divorce mediation as an alternative dispute resolution between you and your ex. You just may find yourselves getting along better than you have in years. And saving thousands in the process.
Tags: divorce mediation, divorce lawyer
If you are considering a divorce and possibly trying to save money while going through the process, there are options out there. There are many do it yourself divorce procedures, as well as online divorce centers.
A great place to begin the process is to find free divorce forms online. More traditional divorces, where divorce lawyers are used, can become extremely expensive. Many couples are seeking do-it-yourself divorces. Divorces can be very stressful, even without adding lawyers who can potentially add even more stress.
When doing your search for do-it-yourself divorce, you are likely to find information that will assist you in comprehending the requirements and the overall divorce process. This allows you to become familiar with entire divorce process.
Mediation can help couples who are seeking a do-it-yourself divorce. An unbiased third party mediator can help willing couples come to a mutual agreement on such things as child custody and child support as well as maintenance payments. A mediator can also help the couple split marital assets such as the family home, car and pets. Other important issues the Mediator can help with are, who will carry medical insurance, visitations for extended family members, vacations and so forth. Again, all of this can be done through mediation.
In order for a do-it-yourself divorce to work, it is important that neither party become bitter. The overall process can become very frustrating. But keep in mind that if you are unable to come up with a divorce plan, the courts may need to become involved, and that will increase the costs, both emotionally and financially.
Nobody wants to think about getting a divorce. But in today’s society, divorce is very much a reality. With the help of a mediator and some online divorce services, couples can now have a do-it-yourself divorce. Online divorces and do-it-yourself divorces are a great alternative to the more traditional, and more expensive, type of divorce.
Divorce mediation, also known as family mediation, is a relatively new phenomenon. It is an alternative to litigation that should be considered even before a divorce case is filed. Family mediation is a process in which divorcing spouses negotiate an acceptable divorce agreement with the help of a neutral third party — the Mediator. Mediation can help define the terms of the separation and is instrumental in developing interim agreements about finances, children, and living space.
People who are not familiar with the process, often have erroneous notions about what the process of divorce mediation is all about. Divorce mediation is alternative dispute resolution, not to be confused with marriage counseling; it is an alternative to fighting in court with your spouse through attorneys. Divorce mediation is probably the largest area of mediation practice at this time.
Child Visitation Issues
Frequently at stake are matters involving children, property, and finances, among other things. One issue often dealt with during mediation is child visitation. Child visitation laws are an integral part of the divorce process.
Child visitation is viewed as shared parenting time and is designed to optimize both parents’ time with the child. There are many ways to arrange a child visitation schedule. It is of paramount importance to consider how the child visitation will affect parties other than the parents, such as, grandparents, stepparents, and caretakers.
Divorce and Finances
Another important issue that is discussed in mediation is the issue of divorce finances. Finances are one of the leading points of contention in many marriages. This can often happen in families where one spouse controls the finances and gives the other spouse an “allowance”. The weaker party must have the willingness and ability to learn about finances. During the mediation, you will develop options for dividing assets and organizing finances.
Mediation is an affordable alternative to litigation that allows you to take control of your legal dispute without losing control of your finances.
Family mediation is less costly in time, money and emotional stress than litigation through the Courts. Unlike divorce litigation, divorce mediation is non-adversarial, designed to eliminate the win/lose atmosphere. It is a kinder and fairer way to divorce, helping parties obtain a divorce while maintaining their dignity and respect for each other. Divorce mediation is a way, perhaps the best way, to minimize both the emotional and financial impact of divorce.
Modern couples are using divorce mediation in increasing numbers, as they recognize that it is important to minimize the trauma of divorce for their own, and their children’s, well-being. Divorce mediation can result in winners all around, while divorce litigation usually results in everybody losing, one way or the other.
Think its a good idea to “battle it out” in court when you’re getting a divorce? “We’ll let the Judge decide” can be the most expensive words you ever utter. I’m not just talking about money here, although it will cost plenty to prove you are right. Don’t discount the heavy emotional and psychological toll going to divorce court will take on you and your family.
Here are some questions to ask before you hire a high-powered divorce lawyer to go to war:
- How can you keep from getting “screwed” in your divorce?
- How can you tell if your lawyer is working for you or for their own bank account?
- How can you get the divorce done without scarring your kids for life?
- Do you know why betting on a Judge’s decision can be worse than a bad night in Vegas?
A good Divorce Mediator can answer these questions for you, and more. It’s time for you to take control of your life, and your divorce. Work it out, from splitting your property, to figuring out divorce child custody - or pay the price!
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