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Category Archives: Divorce Settlement
Do you have any idea what a celebrity divorce costs? I’m talking about those divorces where the celebrity couple decided to battle it out instead of getting a peaceful divorce!
Check out these numbers - in the McCartney divorce it was reported that Heather Mills ended up over $3million in debt for her legal bills in her divorce battle with Paul McCartney and had to sell her home to pay off her lawyers! David Hasselhoff’s legal fees in his divorce were reputed to be over $1million! Hulk Hogan’s divorce has really gotten ugly, and goodness knows how much the nasty Christy Brinkley divorce will end up costing!
But why should you care what the celebs are paying for their divorces? Because this epidemic of battling with your spouse in divorce court isn’t just reserved for the celebrities…it’s going on every day with every day people!
In the county where I have practiced divorce law for over 25 years, the cost of the average divorce is $60,000 per side! We’re not talking about what the rich people pay, we’re talking about the average couple. Has the world gone mad? What’s going on here?
A big part of the problem here is that people usually hire their divorce lawyer when their emotions are running hot. Their divorce attorney, who is a trained fighter, takes up the cause (and gets paid hundreds of dollars per hour in the process!) and it’s off to court you go! In other words, the divorcing couple is acting out their last fight, (or what they think is their last fight) in the public arena called divorce court.
It’s important to recognize that the divorce itself is rarely the last fight. When there are children or support involved, the battle can go on and on, long after the divorce itself is over!
Think for a moment about the emotional cost of divorce and combine it with the financial cost. Slow down, stop reacting… take a moment and think about this.
How much is it worth to you that you would be able to joyfully celebrate your child’s wedding together without feelings of animosity? How much is it worth to them? Can you put a financial cost on that?
How much is it worth to you to have your children emotionally healthy and not scarred from the anger and bitterness in your divorce? How much money is that worth to you?
What is it worth to you to know your child will not be sentenced to the responsibility of taking care of you emotionally, and that they can be allowed to be children during and after your divorce?
What’s it worth to give your child a positive view of adulthood? What is it worth for your child to know that they are free to love both of their parents?
What would you pay to feel very very good about your co-parenting relationship with your ex and to know you are on the same page about your children?
Literally… wouldn’t that be worth a lot of money to you to have all those things?
Unfortunately, if you go through standard litigation, you’ll be paying a lot of money to make sure those things turn out very badly. For you and your spouse. For you and your friends and family. For you and your children. Listen… you will pay out a lot of money to have everyone suffer and be in far more pain. Why would you do that?
Let’s think carefully about how to be happily divorced… it saves money, time, energy, love and even saves lives! You can do it! You can create a peaceful divorce, and be happily divorced. Do it for yourself. Do it for your kids.
Tags: divorce court, co parenting
In my 26 years as a divorce attorney, and especially the last dozen years that I have been a divorce mediator, a phrase I have heard very often when I get up on my soapbox about Peaceful Divorce is, “but you don’t know my ex!” or “it’s not possible to have a peaceful divorce in my situation”. Not so. You CAN learn how to get a divorce the peaceful way, whether your spouse or ex is on board right now or not.
Now that may not be what you want to hear because what it does is place the responsibility for your life right back where it belongs, with you. Believe me, a lot of the resistance you are feeling when you think of changing your story about your relationship with your spouse or ex is for this very reason!
Nonetheless, this is the way life works. You are creating your life by the primary thoughts you are thinking, and the feelings you are feeling through the universal law of attraction. Divorce doesn’t exempt you from the laws of life! You are creating your reality! The time to own it is now!
That’s good news! Isn’t it a relief? Isn’t it empowering to understand that you have the power to change your relationship with your spouse or ex by changing your attitude, and when that changes, everything changes?
But I’ve tried that, you say! It doesn’t work! Oh yes it does. You must be consistent, and persistent. Are you holding the vision of the relationship you would like with your spouse or ex? What does it look like? Hold that vision consistently, and patiently, and it will begin to materialize before your very eyes. You know that what you focus on expands! What do you want your divorce to look like? Your life afterwards? What are you focusing on? What you want, or what you don’t want?
Are you focusing on what is right with your spouse or ex instead of what is wrong? Are you making a concerted effort to remember the qualities you respected and admired when you married this person and perhaps had children with them?
Going through divorce is like driving a car. Are you looking through the windshield, toward where you are going, or through the rear view mirror, stuck in the past? Be proactive in creating the vision of what you want it all to look like and consistently hold that vision. What vision are you holding? Is it of a peaceful divorce? Is it of a respectful, effective co-parenting relationship with your spouse or ex? Is it of healthy, happy children and meaningful future relationships for yourself?
Don’t give up! Hold the vision of what you want, not what you don’t want! You will move in the direction you are looking and before you know it, you will have created a peaceful divorce, and the pathway to being happily divorced, if that is what you truly desire.
Tags: child custody, divorce lawyer
I recently had a divorce mediation where, as often is the case, I was working with two divorce lawyers and two co-parents who couldn’t stand each other. It literally took me hours to get them into the same room together and, although these parties had many written divorce settlement agreements between them, years later we were still there, fighting over interpretation and compliance.
In speaking with them alone (I sent the lawyers out of the room to do child support and other financial calculations) about their practically non-existant communication in the years since the divorce had become final, I targeted my focus on an area that I had been doing unconsciously for many years. It hit me like a hammer on the head. Of course, it was so simple!
It doesn’t matter how many agreements that parties make with each other, the only way they are going to live up to them is if they want to! Therefore, it is my job to inspire a desire in them to begin to agree with each other, and to work together as a team to raise their kids.
It is my belief that this is one of the primary roles of the mediator. To inspire the desire.
Once that is done, we can roll up our sleeves and help them start to dig through that pile of resentment that is keeping the them from behaving in a way that is best for their children, and also give them a new set of tools to enable them to work together as a team.
Add, as a further incentive, if the divorce mediator needs it, the co-parents can be reminded that it will also vastly improve the quality of their own lives and future relationships, minimize the effects of divorce on children, and their friends and families probably wouldn’t mind it one bit either!
Tags: divorce settlement, divorce court
When you decide to start looking for a divorce attorney, do you think about going to a divorce lawyer who is “Board Certified”? One who has been “certified” by his/her peers as an “expert” who “specializes” in matrimonial law? Well, you may want to re-think that idea if you want a peaceful divorce.
Although it varies from state to state, the general requirements for a divorce lawyer to become a board certified divorce attorney may very well be based upon how much time that lawyer spends in trial. Think about that. Any divorce case that goes to trial means, most likely, that it is not a peaceful divorce. It means that the divorcing couple has spent tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and close to a year of stress-filled, adversarial interaction with each other. Does that sound like a “peaceful divorce” to you?
So be very careful in selecting your lawyer when considering getting a divorce and make sure that the attorneys you are interviewing are committed to peaceful divorce. That means that they will use every avenue available, including divorce mediation, to get you and your family through this difficult time in as sane and respectful a fashion as possible. It means that they are committed to making sure that the effects of divorce on children are minimized as much as possible.
Now I’m not saying that all board certified divorce attorneys are not on board with peaceful divorce. In fact, I know some who are. Just be mindful of how they get their certification and if you aren’t sure, ask them. Are they on board with a peaceful divorce for you and your family? Can they be committed to a peaceful settlement? See what divorce advice they give you in response to these questions. Then you will have your answer as to whether or not to hire a board certified divorce attorney.
Tags: divorce, divorce mediation
Now this is an interesting question, don’t you think? It really hits the nail on the head. Since the divorce attorneys have a huge piece of the puzzle when it comes to Peaceful Divorce, or not, it behooves all of us to figure out what it will take to get them on board with this concept.
1. MONEY. In our county (Palm Beach), 65% of all divorce cases filed last year were “pro se” - without lawyers. Our contacts at the courthouse tell us that this is not because they can’t afford it, but because divorcing couples are afraid to hire lawyers as they feel they will make a war out of it. This is a valid fear as divorce lawyers are paid by the hour - do the math!
This is a lot of money that the divorce attorneys are leaving on the table because of their negative reputation. They are only getting 35% of the divorce cases being filed! Getting the word out that they are on board with a peaceful divorce can help them to capture this growing share of the market that is choosing to have no lawyers (often times when they would benefit from legal advice.)
2. THEIR SANITY. Almost every divorce lawyer I know hates what they are doing, to some degree. The constant fighting eats away at them until they either numb out or make themselves sick from getting up and doing a job they can’t stand every day.
3. GETTING PAID. Every divorce lawyer knows that the longer the case goes on, the greater risk they run of getting completely paid - especially those last bills. Then they become the enemy of their clients instead of their client’s spouses.
4. KARMA. Okay, maybe I’ve got a case of wishful thinking here, but I believe that at some level divorce lawyers want to do the right thing, and they know that the right thing is not waging a battle in a family and then leaving them to pick up the pieces, if they can. They know the irreversible damage it does, especially to the children.
So maybe it’s time for the good “divorce advice” to go to the divorce lawyers - get on board with peaceful divorce because the divorcing public is demanding it! Time to get on board before you really miss the boat!
Tags: , co parenting
Are you ready for a shift in consciousness? I mean, are you really ready?
Who said that divorce has to be a battle, a war? Why do we feel it necessary to make our relationship with our spouse wrong and to cast blame when sometimes we just need to move on? How is that working for you?
Divorce with blame and shame is an old paradigm, a tired old mindset whose time has passed. It’s time to recognize that there is a better way, and to embrace it. That way is creating a Peaceful Divorce.
Yes, it can be done. I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times in the divorce mediations I have done over the years. Not in your case, you say? Oh yes, in your case, too. Absolutely. All that is needed is your commitment to the process, and a determination that you will not accept anything less for yourself and your family.
Your time has come, now. This message is for you. Accept the gift of this new awareness, and experience how it empowers you and your spouse, and your children, if you have them.
Try a Peaceful Divorce. You’ll like it.
Tags: divorce, divorce court
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would litigate their divorce, when they have the option to mediate. Is it even possible in this day and age, that anyone considering getting a divorce, in the middle of a divorce, or already divorced and still fighting with their ex, hasn’t heard about divorce mediation?
Ask anyone who has been to divorce court how they liked that experience. We know who the only winners are there – the divorce lawyers! But don’t blame them, if you hire them, you know what you are getting. After all, they are trained to fight over things like divorce child custody, alimony and the like!
Do you know that your chances of having a divorce agreement, and an uncontested divorce increase dramatically if you go to divorce mediation instead of divorce court? Why in the world would you roll the dice on a judge’s decision, when you can make the decisions yourselves?
What are you waiting for? Go ahead, try divorce mediation as an alternative dispute resolution between you and your ex. You just may find yourselves getting along better than you have in years. And saving thousands in the process.
Tags: divorce mediation, divorce lawyer
Whatever your causes of divorce, from infidelity, to a communication breakdown, to a general growing apart, Divorce Mediation can be successful in resolving your disputed issues with your ex.
There are some cases of physical abuse where divorce mediation is not recommended, however, with the right mediator and a safe environment, such as holding the mediation at the Courthouse, even these cases sometimes may be appropriately mediated. Ask your attorney for specific advice before proceeding to a mediation where physical abuse has been an issue.
The divorce mediation process, in addition to helping you to settle the issues in your case, such as divorce child custody, can also set the tone and the framework for you and your ex to have improved and more effective communication in the future. This is especially important in cases where you will have to co-parent with them, and continue engage in dispute resolution, as issues arise.
Remember, even though each couple has different causes of divorce, be sure to consider utilizing divorce mediation if you are interested in a divorce settlement, and an uncontested divorce.
And with the cost of a contested divorce, emotionally and financially, who wouldn’t be?
I cannot believe the article I read the other day. Boy, did this couple need Divorce Mediation!
A man in Berlin who was a trained mason, was getting divorced. While going through the divorce process, he took a chainsaw, cut the house he owned with his wife exactly in half (he measured it!), and drove away with his half in a forklift truck.
You can read the full article here.
Now, even though the divorce laws in most areas support that whatever the parties got during the marriage should be divided equally, this guy’s wife didn’t appreciate the metaphor.
All kidding aside, this really isn’t that far off from what I’ve seen in my 25 years in the divorce business. Yes, people really do misbehave during the divorce process! They’re in divorce court, which is the adversarial system, for goodness sake!
Okay, I’ll admit that reading an article like this is hilarious. But can you imagine, when things are that bitter, the effects of divorce on children?
It takes a lot of maturity to do a divorce right. Learn all that you can about alternative dispute resolution, especially divorce mediation. Then, find a divorce lawyer who supports it, and you will be on the road to a peaceful divorce.
Now, don’t you think that’s a better idea than solving your divorce problems with power tools?
If you are considering a divorce and possibly trying to save money while going through the process, there are options out there. There are many do it yourself divorce procedures, as well as online divorce centers.
A great place to begin the process is to find free divorce forms online. More traditional divorces, where divorce lawyers are used, can become extremely expensive. Many couples are seeking do-it-yourself divorces. Divorces can be very stressful, even without adding lawyers who can potentially add even more stress.
When doing your search for do-it-yourself divorce, you are likely to find information that will assist you in comprehending the requirements and the overall divorce process. This allows you to become familiar with entire divorce process.
Mediation can help couples who are seeking a do-it-yourself divorce. An unbiased third party mediator can help willing couples come to a mutual agreement on such things as child custody and child support as well as maintenance payments. A mediator can also help the couple split marital assets such as the family home, car and pets. Other important issues the Mediator can help with are, who will carry medical insurance, visitations for extended family members, vacations and so forth. Again, all of this can be done through mediation.
In order for a do-it-yourself divorce to work, it is important that neither party become bitter. The overall process can become very frustrating. But keep in mind that if you are unable to come up with a divorce plan, the courts may need to become involved, and that will increase the costs, both emotionally and financially.
Nobody wants to think about getting a divorce. But in today’s society, divorce is very much a reality. With the help of a mediator and some online divorce services, couples can now have a do-it-yourself divorce. Online divorces and do-it-yourself divorces are a great alternative to the more traditional, and more expensive, type of divorce.
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