I just got through reading an article about a divorce custody fight, in one of the major local papers down here in South Florida. Even for a seasoned divorce lawyer turned divorce mediator, such as myself, it made me sick to see what can happen when the divorce process spins out of control.

In this divorce case, each of the parties hired the highest-powered, gun-slinging divorce lawyers that money could buy. The problem was, as it often is, that one of these people had a whole lot more money than the other. A divorce agreement, made between these parties after they got married, in the event they ever got divorced, stacked the deck against one of the parents.

For years they fought it out, up and down the court system, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on legal fees.

The end result was that one of these parents had to pay the other parent so much money, as decided by the divorce court, that they actually became a fugitive from justice, totally preventing them from seeing their children! If they show their face, they will be thrown into jail.

Who is going to suffer here? Sure, one of these parents has been a winner, and one has been a loser in this divorce child custody fight. But any kid who can’t even see one of their parents because of a bitter divorce custody battle is the real loser.

I can’t help but wonder how different this family’s lives would look today if they used divorce mediation to resolve their legal problems, instead of the legal divorce process, which pits them against each other from the start. I’ll bet it would look a whole lot different.

Have you ever tried to figure out what the heck to do when you and your ex just can’t agree on an issue, before, during or after your divorce, and it keeps coming up over and over? Well, it will keep coming up until you both learn the lesson - that compromise can be a win-win.

When you are constantly at odds with your ex, it becomes habitual. You both want to win. But don’t you really know down deep inside that there is a better way?

Try this the next time you are polarized on an issue, whether it be over your divorce settlement, child visitation or the divorce laws, before you run off to your divorce attorneys, dig deep and see just how important this REALLY is to you. Then try to put yourself in your ex’s shoes - how important is it to them? If it isn’t a 10 or near a 10 to you, then be big and let them have their way. (It will also be interesting to note just how many things are a 10 to you.) This spirit of cooperation will open the doors to compromise as a way of dealing with each other.

Truthfully, wouldn’t you rather be happy than right? Talk about a win-win.