In my 26 years as a divorce attorney, and especially the last dozen years that I have been a divorce mediator, a phrase I have heard very often when I get up on my soapbox about Peaceful Divorce is, “but you don’t know my ex!” or “it’s not possible to have a peaceful divorce in my situation”. Not so. You CAN learn how to get a divorce the peaceful way, whether your spouse or ex is on board right now or not.

Now that may not be what you want to hear because what it does is place the responsibility for your life right back where it belongs, with you. Believe me, a lot of the resistance you are feeling when you think of changing your story about your relationship with your spouse or ex is for this very reason!

Nonetheless, this is the way life works. You are creating your life by the primary thoughts you are thinking, and the feelings you are feeling through the universal law of attraction. Divorce doesn’t exempt you from the laws of life! You are creating your reality! The time to own it is now!

That’s good news! Isn’t it a relief? Isn’t it empowering to understand that you have the power to change your relationship with your spouse or ex by changing your attitude, and when that changes, everything changes?

But I’ve tried that, you say! It doesn’t work! Oh yes it does. You must be consistent, and persistent. Are you holding the vision of the relationship you would like with your spouse or ex? What does it look like? Hold that vision consistently, and patiently, and it will begin to materialize before your very eyes. You know that what you focus on expands! What do you want your divorce to look like? Your life afterwards? What are you focusing on? What you want, or what you don’t want?

Are you focusing on what is right with your spouse or ex instead of what is wrong? Are you making a concerted effort to remember the qualities you respected and admired when you married this person and perhaps had children with them?

Going through divorce is like driving a car. Are you looking through the windshield, toward where you are going, or through the rear view mirror, stuck in the past? Be proactive in creating the vision of what you want it all to look like and consistently hold that vision. What vision are you holding? Is it of a peaceful divorce? Is it of a respectful, effective co-parenting relationship with your spouse or ex? Is it of healthy, happy children and meaningful future relationships for yourself?

Don’t give up! Hold the vision of what you want, not what you don’t want! You will move in the direction you are looking and before you know it, you will have created a peaceful divorce, and the pathway to being happily divorced, if that is what you truly desire.

Tags: divorce lawyer, child custody

Now this is an interesting question, don’t you think? It really hits the nail on the head. Since the divorce attorneys have a huge piece of the puzzle when it comes to Peaceful Divorce, or not, it behooves all of us to figure out what it will take to get them on board with this concept.

1. MONEY. In our county (Palm Beach), 65% of all divorce cases filed last year were “pro se” - without lawyers. Our contacts at the courthouse tell us that this is not because they can’t afford it, but because divorcing couples are afraid to hire lawyers as they feel they will make a war out of it. This is a valid fear as divorce lawyers are paid by the hour - do the math!

This is a lot of money that the divorce attorneys are leaving on the table because of their negative reputation. They are only getting 35% of the divorce cases being filed! Getting the word out that they are on board with a peaceful divorce can help them to capture this growing share of the market that is choosing to have no lawyers (often times when they would benefit from legal advice.)

2. THEIR SANITY. Almost every divorce lawyer I know hates what they are doing, to some degree. The constant fighting eats away at them until they either numb out or make themselves sick from getting up and doing a job they can’t stand every day.

3. GETTING PAID. Every divorce lawyer knows that the longer the case goes on, the greater risk they run of getting completely paid - especially those last bills. Then they become the enemy of their clients instead of their client’s spouses.

4. KARMA. Okay, maybe I’ve got a case of wishful thinking here, but I believe that at some level divorce lawyers want to do the right thing, and they know that the right thing is not waging a battle in a family and then leaving them to pick up the pieces, if they can. They know the irreversible damage it does, especially to the children.

So maybe it’s time for the good “divorce advice” to go to the divorce lawyers - get on board with peaceful divorce because the divorcing public is demanding it! Time to get on board before you really miss the boat!

Tags: co parenting,

One of the most significant questions that people considering divorce ask themselves and others is “what effect is this divorce going to have on my children?” The expectation almost always is that it is going to have a negative effect on them, to harm them. I am here to tell you that I have witnessed on several occasions, the effects of divorce on children be positive.

I recently had a mediation that was typical of what I call my “co-parenting” mediations. At the beginning, the parties were stuck in an angry, fearful and ugly place. At first this negative energy (combined with the fighting energy of the two divorce lawyers) landed on me like blows, but I breathed through it and kept on keeping on. And by hour ten of the mediation it ended as many of my co-parenting mediations do – with a meeting of the minds, and the hearts.

As the soon-to-be-divorced couple embraced with tears freely flowing, I felt my drained countenance revive and I remembered, for the millionth time, why I do this. For deep in my heart I knew that these parties’ children were going to be the beneficiaries of that intense labor, on all of our parts, in that sacred space called mediation. These parents left communicating better than they had in years, with compassion and acceptance replacing bitterness and resentment.

One might say that it is sad or unfortunate that it took getting divorced to get these co-parents to this place, and that may be true. But these are the cases where the effects of divorce on children can be positive. And on their parents.

Tags: divorce law, child custody

Are you ready for a shift in consciousness? I mean, are you really ready?

Who said that divorce has to be a battle, a war? Why do we feel it necessary to make our relationship with our spouse wrong and to cast blame when sometimes we just need to move on? How is that working for you?

Divorce with blame and shame is an old paradigm, a tired old mindset whose time has passed. It’s time to recognize that there is a better way, and to embrace it. That way is creating a Peaceful Divorce.

Yes, it can be done. I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times in the divorce mediations I have done over the years. Not in your case, you say? Oh yes, in your case, too. Absolutely. All that is needed is your commitment to the process, and a determination that you will not accept anything less for yourself and your family.

Your time has come, now. This message is for you. Accept the gift of this new awareness, and experience how it empowers you and your spouse, and your children, if you have them.

Try a Peaceful Divorce. You’ll like it.

Tags: divorce, divorce court

Come on, people! You have got to be kidding!

I just read an article about celebrity Ann Heche’s bitter divorce from her husband, Coley Laffoon. They are using up taxpayer’s dollars fighting over furniture.

In a tense, dramatic decision, Ann Heche was allowed to keep her footstool that she had prior to the marriage.

No matter how ridiculous you may think that seems, you can bet your boots that divorce lawyers all over the country, and probably all over the world, are fighting for their clients over things just like that. Issues that insignificant are continually being litigated in divorce court. Worse yet, child custody divorce cases often have battles over items just as trivial!

Okay, everybody, let’s be fair and play nice. And if you can’t be nice (yet) to your ex, at least give us all out here a break, and use divorce mediation if you can’t find a way to share the plates and forks.

We’d all appreciate it - your friends, family, and, if you have them, - especially your kids!

Tags: visitation, divorce

Whatever your causes of divorce, from infidelity, to a communication breakdown, to a general growing apart, Divorce Mediation can be successful in resolving your disputed issues with your ex.

There are some cases of physical abuse where divorce mediation is not recommended, however, with the right mediator and a safe environment, such as holding the mediation at the Courthouse, even these cases sometimes may be appropriately mediated. Ask your attorney for specific advice before proceeding to a mediation where physical abuse has been an issue.

The divorce mediation process, in addition to helping you to settle the issues in your case, such as divorce child custody, can also set the tone and the framework for you and your ex to have improved and more effective communication in the future. This is especially important in cases where you will have to co-parent with them, and continue engage in dispute resolution, as issues arise.

Remember, even though each couple has different causes of divorce, be sure to consider utilizing divorce mediation if you are interested in a divorce settlement, and an uncontested divorce.

And with the cost of a contested divorce, emotionally and financially, who wouldn’t be?

If you are considering a divorce and possibly trying to save money while going through the process, there are options out there. There are many do it yourself divorce procedures, as well as online divorce centers.

A great place to begin the process is to find free divorce forms online. More traditional divorces, where divorce lawyers are used, can become extremely expensive. Many couples are seeking do-it-yourself divorces. Divorces can be very stressful, even without adding lawyers who can potentially add even more stress.

When doing your search for do-it-yourself divorce, you are likely to find information that will assist you in comprehending the requirements and the overall divorce process. This allows you to become familiar with entire divorce process.

Mediation can help couples who are seeking a do-it-yourself divorce. An unbiased third party mediator can help willing couples come to a mutual agreement on such things as child custody and child support as well as maintenance payments. A mediator can also help the couple split marital assets such as the family home, car and pets. Other important issues the Mediator can help with are, who will carry medical insurance, visitations for extended family members, vacations and so forth. Again, all of this can be done through mediation.

In order for a do-it-yourself divorce to work, it is important that neither party become bitter. The overall process can become very frustrating. But keep in mind that if you are unable to come up with a divorce plan, the courts may need to become involved, and that will increase the costs, both emotionally and financially.

Nobody wants to think about getting a divorce. But in today’s society, divorce is very much a reality. With the help of a mediator and some online divorce services, couples can now have a do-it-yourself divorce. Online divorces and do-it-yourself divorces are a great alternative to the more traditional, and more expensive, type of divorce.

Divorce mediation, also known as family mediation, is a relatively new phenomenon. It is an alternative to litigation that should be considered even before a divorce case is filed. Family mediation is a process in which divorcing spouses negotiate an acceptable divorce agreement with the help of a neutral third party — the Mediator. Mediation can help define the terms of the separation and is instrumental in developing interim agreements about finances, children, and living space.

People who are not familiar with the process, often have erroneous notions about what the process of divorce mediation is all about. Divorce mediation is alternative dispute resolution, not to be confused with marriage counseling; it is an alternative to fighting in court with your spouse through attorneys. Divorce mediation is probably the largest area of mediation practice at this time.

Child Visitation Issues

Frequently at stake are matters involving children, property, and finances, among other things. One issue often dealt with during mediation is child visitation. Child visitation laws are an integral part of the divorce process.

Child visitation is viewed as shared parenting time and is designed to optimize both parents’ time with the child. There are many ways to arrange a child visitation schedule. It is of paramount importance to consider how the child visitation will affect parties other than the parents, such as, grandparents, stepparents, and caretakers.

Divorce and Finances

Another important issue that is discussed in mediation is the issue of divorce finances. Finances are one of the leading points of contention in many marriages. This can often happen in families where one spouse controls the finances and gives the other spouse an “allowance”. The weaker party must have the willingness and ability to learn about finances. During the mediation, you will develop options for dividing assets and organizing finances.

Mediation is an affordable alternative to litigation that allows you to take control of your legal dispute without losing control of your finances.

Family mediation is less costly in time, money and emotional stress than litigation through the Courts. Unlike divorce litigation, divorce mediation is non-adversarial, designed to eliminate the win/lose atmosphere. It is a kinder and fairer way to divorce, helping parties obtain a divorce while maintaining their dignity and respect for each other. Divorce mediation is a way, perhaps the best way, to minimize both the emotional and financial impact of divorce.

Modern couples are using divorce mediation in increasing numbers, as they recognize that it is important to minimize the trauma of divorce for their own, and their children’s, well-being. Divorce mediation can result in winners all around, while divorce litigation usually results in everybody losing, one way or the other.