Divorce mediation, also known as family mediation, is a relatively new phenomenon. It is an alternative to litigation that should be considered even before a divorce case is filed. Family mediation is a process in which divorcing spouses negotiate an acceptable divorce agreement with the help of a neutral third party — the Mediator. Mediation can help define the terms of the separation and is instrumental in developing interim agreements about finances, children, and living space.

People who are not familiar with the process, often have erroneous notions about what the process of divorce mediation is all about. Divorce mediation is alternative dispute resolution, not to be confused with marriage counseling; it is an alternative to fighting in court with your spouse through attorneys. Divorce mediation is probably the largest area of mediation practice at this time.

Child Visitation Issues

Frequently at stake are matters involving children, property, and finances, among other things. One issue often dealt with during mediation is child visitation. Child visitation laws are an integral part of the divorce process.

Child visitation is viewed as shared parenting time and is designed to optimize both parents’ time with the child. There are many ways to arrange a child visitation schedule. It is of paramount importance to consider how the child visitation will affect parties other than the parents, such as, grandparents, stepparents, and caretakers.

Divorce and Finances

Another important issue that is discussed in mediation is the issue of divorce finances. Finances are one of the leading points of contention in many marriages. This can often happen in families where one spouse controls the finances and gives the other spouse an “allowance”. The weaker party must have the willingness and ability to learn about finances. During the mediation, you will develop options for dividing assets and organizing finances.

Mediation is an affordable alternative to litigation that allows you to take control of your legal dispute without losing control of your finances.

Family mediation is less costly in time, money and emotional stress than litigation through the Courts. Unlike divorce litigation, divorce mediation is non-adversarial, designed to eliminate the win/lose atmosphere. It is a kinder and fairer way to divorce, helping parties obtain a divorce while maintaining their dignity and respect for each other. Divorce mediation is a way, perhaps the best way, to minimize both the emotional and financial impact of divorce.

Modern couples are using divorce mediation in increasing numbers, as they recognize that it is important to minimize the trauma of divorce for their own, and their children’s, well-being. Divorce mediation can result in winners all around, while divorce litigation usually results in everybody losing, one way or the other.

Have you ever tried to figure out what the heck to do when you and your ex just can’t agree on an issue, before, during or after your divorce, and it keeps coming up over and over? Well, it will keep coming up until you both learn the lesson - that compromise can be a win-win.

When you are constantly at odds with your ex, it becomes habitual. You both want to win. But don’t you really know down deep inside that there is a better way?

Try this the next time you are polarized on an issue, whether it be over your divorce settlement, child visitation or the divorce laws, before you run off to your divorce attorneys, dig deep and see just how important this REALLY is to you. Then try to put yourself in your ex’s shoes - how important is it to them? If it isn’t a 10 or near a 10 to you, then be big and let them have their way. (It will also be interesting to note just how many things are a 10 to you.) This spirit of cooperation will open the doors to compromise as a way of dealing with each other.

Truthfully, wouldn’t you rather be happy than right? Talk about a win-win.

How are you getting along with your co-parent? Not so great? Well, its time to put down the magnifying glass, and pick up the mirror!

It’s simple to have an uncontested divorce, and to minimize the damage of the divorce process on your relationship with your co-parent. Here’s one way to get it on track. Ask yourself this question:

When was the last time you said “Thank You” to your co-parent? For being interested in seeing the children? For paying their child support? For anything at all?

Isn’t it just possible that you will get more of what you want, if you look for the positive, rather than what’s wrong, what’s missing, and ACKNOWLEDGE your co-parent for it? How different would your relationship be if you did this at the beginning of every conversation with them?

It’s your JOB to get along with your co-parent. It’s the LAW. Most importantly, it’s what’s BEST for your children’s mental, emotional, psychological and, yes, their medical well-being. We all know what stress does to us, don’t we?

So, save yourself a bunch of money on divorce lawyers, and give your family a break. The next time you see or speak with your co-parent, how about digging deep and finding something positive to say, something to thank them for? It’s EASY once you remember - it’s for the KIDS!